The 40 Year Old Bat Mitzvah

Possibly Boring Journals: Part 3

Posted in Uncategorized by Juliet on June 8, 2011

Mid-March 1997 is when I discovered Shakti Gawain and her creative visualization.  These journals have pages and pages of notes, affirmations, pictures, doodles, etc.

An example would be:

There is a spiritual paradox between being in the “here and now” vs goal-setting to plan for the future.  This is actually not a contradiction since both are important.

Or I had pictures like this one of a triangle, with the points labeled “doingness,” “beingness,” and “havingness.”

March 15, 1997, 10:35 a.m.

We are leaving for synagogue in a few minutes.  I want to attend services with increasing regularity.  I find myself getting a lot out of the Torah portion, especially.

Rabbi Alchadeff does an unusually long Saturday morning service:  from 10:00 to almost 1:00 p.m.  We don’t usually arrive ’til around 11:15 or 11:30 and we still feel like we get our money’s worth so to speak.

Tomorrow morning Sisterhood is having a brunch and presentation by the rabbi’s wife.  I plan to go.  I want to try harder to be sociable but everyone is so old.

Apparently in March, 1997,  I was working hard on my creative visualization. Here are some of my affirmations:

I sleep peacefully through the night.

I awaken feeling refreshed and energized.

My dreams are inspiring and  comforting.

If I awaken in the night, I roll over and fall back asleep easily.

My sleep is deep and relaxing.

Sleep nourished my body and mind.

This, or something better, is now manifesting in totally satisfying and harmonious ways.

I had a lot of sleep affirmations.  Sleep was a huge issue for me.  I had affirmations for my physical body, too:

I am lithe and flexible.  My limbs are long and light.  I am strong and centered.  The outdoors quiets my mind and refreshes my soul.  My muscles are toned and firm.  My body is in balance with my mind and spirit.

For my “circle of friends” goal, I had these:

I have a strong support system of friends and family.  I nurture my friendships.  I have a lot to offer and everyone recognizes it.  I am a good listener.


I am richly compensated for doing work I love.  God provides amply for my every need.  Wealth flows easily into my life.  The more I earn, the more I give.  The more I give, the more I am rewarded in return.  I have more than enough to live wonderfully.

I am not sure what “life goal” I was pursuing with one of these pages, with headlines (cut from magazines) like:  “Flexibility!” “Perfect harmony!”  “Balance!”  or simply “Luck!”  My affirmations (which I have to say, sound pretty cool!) were:  I listen to the wise voice that points me in the best direction.  Divine love is guiding me and I am always taken care of.   I am always at the right place at the right time, successfully engaged in the right activity.  Divine wisdom is my inner guide.  I am prescient.  

For Energy, I only had two:  I am filled with energy; and The more I move, the more energized I feel.

I also started recording a lot of my dreams at around this time.  There is something universal and timeless about dreams.  Here is one from March 19, 1997:

I had a dream last night that I was walking in a mountainous/foresty place with (my sister) Lily. We kept thinking that gnarled-out old sticks were snakes.  Then we saw a big snake with a blue stripe down his back.  Lily said, “That’s a sea-snake.  It’s called that because of the blue stripe.”

I wanted to ask her if it’s dangerous, but she was making her way through the path faster than I was, and I was stuck by the snake.  I couldn’t find a safe way to get across the path because the sea-snake was blocking it.  Then there was another snake, twined in some leaves and branches, camouflaged.  

Or what about this, from the very next night, also in March, 1997:

I had two dreams about rape last night.  The strange thing is in both of them I was not ME, but rather the persona of someone else.


I am a young man.  I am taking some time off (from school?) to live in a beautiful small town.  I am walking home one night, doing a little hiking along the way, when I decide to take a shortcut through a state park.  I’m in this cabin in the park, and it’s very dark.  Suddenly, a park ranger enters and warns me:  “Some BAD people are heading this way and they like young men, so you’d better leave.”  I go back the way I came but they’ve already seen me.  The dream just ends.


I am a woman this time, but not me.  She startles an intruder and he tries to rape her, but she gains the upper hand and ties him up.  Then the scene shifts to inside someone’s house, upstairs, at a community meeting. The guy is a big part of the community and they don’t believe me.  They believe him, that I attacked him for no reason.  Retelling it is like reliving it but I do so anyway.

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